Tag Archives: parenting

How to End Sibling Rivalry – Parenting Tips

How to End Sibling Rivalry

How do I stop my children from fighting with each other?

How do I stop my children from fighting with each other?

Why can’t they just get along?!? Let’s face it—no matter how nicely the kids are playing one minute, the next minute might bring tears, and even fights. Sibling rivalry happens in every house with more than one child, and at every age. It’s a common challenge, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy on your sanity.

Try to see it your kids’ way…as soon as your second child comes along, your first is demoted, plus your second child might just get tired of being bossed around by Big Sister all day long. After all, how would you feel if your spouse brought home someone else and expected the two of you to get along?

While you can’t stop sibling rivalry entirely, you can reduce its frequency. This means less yelling from the next room, and more peace in your home! Follow these guidelines to prevent sibling rivalry episodes, and to put a quick end to them once they start:

Lose the labels. When we talk about our “athletic one,” “smartie” or even our “wild child,” we create competition amongst our kids. What’s more, we shelve kids into one role or another—whether they like it or not. By ditching labels, we give our “not-so-athletic” child a chance to shine even if she’s not a star, the straight-B student the opportunity to be proud of her hard work, and the “wild child” a chance to do the right thing. The key is to cheer on positive attributes, such as teamwork, persistence and kindness. Siblings can then root for each other instead of competing for their parents’ approval.

2. Arrange for attention. One of the top reasons kids fight is to gain their parents’ attention—and even negative attention is better than nothing. Plan on giving each child at least 10-20 minutes of positive, individual attention every day, from each parent, and all of a sudden, your kids will learn they don’t have to fight to get you to look their way.

3. Prepare for peace. Your kids might need a refresher course on peaceful conflict resolution. Train them on how to take turns, use “I feel” statements, walk away and control their temper (counting to 10, taking a deep breath, etc.), and you’ll be able to ward off a lot of sibling arguments before they begin.

4. Stay out of squabbles. When you do hear a disagreement between your kids, ignore it—busy yourself elsewhere. Give them a chance to work it out on their own, and at the same time, you’ll remove the payoff they get from your attention.

5. Calm the conflict. If your kids clearly can’t reach an agreement, or if the fight escalates, you might have to step in. Listen to each child, encouraging “I feel” statements as they tell their story. Then, without placing blame or taking sides, ask them to come up with some solutions. If no one is able to come up with a workable resolution, suggest a few yourself, and help them reach an agreement.

6. Put them all in the same boat. If your kids still can’t agree, it’s time to put them “all in the same boat.” Hand down a consequence, for instance, “Either you can take turns with the game, or I will put it away for the rest of the day.” Then follow through.

With these strategies in place, you’ll be able to keep sibling rivalry and fighting to a minimum.

– Kyoshi Bill Wakefield

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When can a child use a public bathroom by themselves?

Parenting Tips Blog – When can a child use a public bathroom by themselves?

As a parent, you should always know where your child is, what he or she is doing and with whom. Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to ensure that you child will never be a victim of sexual abuse. Children can’t stop sexual abuse, but adults can.

Answer: This is a question that comes up frequently when a parent has a child of the opposite gender and he or she needs to use the bathroom. Around age 6 or 7, children can use the toilet by themselves without any assistance. When it comes to allowing a child to use a public restroom by himself, however, the issue isn’t about ability as much as it is about safety.

Child safety experts generally agree that most kids are not able to handle an emergency or threat to their safety until around age 10. That’s why it’s best to avoid letting your child use public restrooms in large areas, such as those found in stadiums or movie theatres, or bathrooms with multiple entrances, without you. Either take your child with you to the bathroom you use, or better yet, try to find a family restroom. (Women’s restrooms offer more privacy than men’s, so a dad traveling alone with a daughter will face a trickier dilemma; in that case, finding a small restroom, where he can closely monitor his daughter from outside the door would be the best bet.

The same goes for using public bathrooms in smaller areas. For instance, if you are at a restaurant where there is a small restroom with one entrance, you can let your child go in alone but under close supervision: Keep one foot in the door so that you can keep talking to your child. Have him or her use a stall close to the door. And be sure to remind your child not to talk to anyone or let a stranger approach him while he is using the facilities.

– Shihan Bill Wakefield
Owner/Chief Instructor
Combined Martial Arts Academy Nerang

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How to unify and create a calm family

How to unify and create a calm family

The key to a calm family can all begin with you.

ï Resolve family challenges. When your child acts out, it’s stressful for the entire family. Whether it’s biting other children, Screaming in rage, or being too shy to make friends – your child’s off-track behaviour is actually a cry for help. Enrol them in a martial arts that has a character development program, this will help you and them. You’ll be surprised by the changes you’ll see in your child after a short period of time. When you can see what’s going on for them and what’s going on in their mindset, solutions about how to change that mindset, and thus their behaviour, become more evident.

ï Respond instead of react. Parenting is a huge challenge. Just as your child acts out when he/she is upset, the emotional stress of parenting can send you “off track” as well.. Talking about your worries with a trusted listening friend/family member can help you think through a challenging situation instead of reacting.

ï Be playful, loving and firm. Discipline doesn’t have to be harsh. Likewise, being a loving parent doesn’t mean simply letting your kids run wild. Have your rules and don’t break them. finally, when you are looking for solutions from a place where there’s no longer an emotional reaction, you will automatically find more peace, acceptance and calm in the family home.

ï Create a bond that lasts for life.  These tips will help you maintain a close connection during adolescence and beyond.

By Shihan Bill Wakefield
   Owner/Chief Instructor
Combined Martial Arts Academy

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